I remember imagining taking a shower while a family member watched my little girl. I imagined getting breaks or more than a few dinners in a week or so after birth. I imagined someone helping while I did something simple around my house. As you may have picked up none of the things I imagined prior to giving birth came true.
For a long time, I was angry and hurt. Angry for assuming I would have help. I was angry and hurt at family members for painting a different picture of how they would help. Even though my husband and I had family nearby help didn’t manifest itself for us.
We learned a very hard truth that only the two of us could and would show up for ourselves and our baby. My story isn’t irregular in fact I think it is pret ty common. It’s something I wish I had been more aware of going into having a child.
If you are dealing with something similar or know of someone that is here are a few tips.
- Set your expectations low
- Ask for help. People don’t want to be intrusive. Or maybe they don’t understand your needs.
- Make sure your spouse or partner is on the same page.
- Don’t expect friends or family without children to understand. Don’t get frustrated if they don’t understand
If you need an escape or a break
- Hire a babysitter or mothers helper.
- Switch off with a mom friend
- Join a gym with childcare
- Give yourself evenings off if possible. Take turns with your spouse or significant other.
Please know that you are not alone. Being a parent is hard. It’s okay to admit you need help! It’s okay to admit you can’t do everything all the time. You are doing awesome Mama!